|Thou Shalt Not Be Pertinent|
Make no mistake, David Warren has nothing worthwhile to say. Ever. About anything.
Yet there he is week after week in the Ottawa Citizen, blabbering away about his rigid religious beliefs.
Don't get me wrong! Religion, in itself, is an interesting topic. No, I'm talking about the type of religious tripe that's as desirable as a rash conferred by a syphilitic priest: the moralizing religiosity type.
Every week, the failed and ignored prophet of our age laments the lack of Jesus in our lives.
The cause of the Vancouver riots? Not enough Jesus.
Conflicts in the Middle East? Too much Mohammed.
People voting for progressive parties? Not enough Jesus.
Easter celebrations found wanting? Not enough Jesus.
Anthony Weiner mistakenly showing off his bulge on twitter? Needs more Jesus!
Okay! Fine! We get it! David Warren loves Jesus! There's nothing wrong with being a big Jesus booster. However, I do object to when someone feels compelled to explain every single human event through the lens of the abundance or lack of Jesus.
And when everyone groans in annoyance at the obsolescence of his writing, it isn't because it has a religious perspective; it's because he's irrelevant. For all his appreciation of Chinese mystic philosophers, it doesn't make him a better connoisseur of human nature. If he were able to derive wisdom from Taoism and apply it to specifics in our day and age, readers might be inclined to pay attention. However, he just speaks in superficial abstractions.
In this column, he embraces a do-nothing approach to oppose what he calls "nation-building" politicians who spend a great amount of time and effort to resolve "simple problems". He never specifies what "simple problems" he's referring to because he expects us to have read every single column he's ever written and divine his thoughts. And yet, not even a month ago, he argued that NATO should remain in Afghanistan. So much for his distaste for nation-building! It's a fine line between wise old sage and convoluted senile fool.
He further edifies us with the knowledge that statistics are the tools of the devil meant to "mislead and obscure". How so? True to form, he doesn't reveal this to us so I guess we should view it as an article of faith.
He does return to the 21st century briefly to address - for the third column in a row - the Vancouver riot. His preamble regarding Chinese philosophy followed by his babbling about the ineffectiveness of humanist activism leads up to the distillation of his thoughts into this question: "What does [the Vancouver riot] look like?"
Confucius say: Man who have hand in pockets not crazy, just feeling nuts.
For crying out loud, it looks like a sports riot!
It's a variation from the sports riots found in Montreal, Boston, Buenos Aires, Columbus, Genoa, Curitiba, Cologne, Moscow and Minneapolis. Rioters are not "zombies" or "demonic forces" but I'm sure he feels very relieved to think that rioters belong to a perverse subset of the population. That way, he doesn't have to deal with reality.
For David Warren, that's just the way he likes it.
To suppress the toxicity of David Warren: I give you fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!