Harper Government Begins Funding Drive For Environmental Groups

Foreign Radicals

With so many charitable groups out there, it's hard to know which ones will make the most out of your donations. With that in mind, Stephen Harper has given out his list to help environmentally-conscious Canadians with their charitable contributions.

The list includes:

• Ecojustice
• ForestEthics
• Living Oceans Society
• Raincoast Conservation Foundation

Of course, the Prime Minister's Office titled this list "Foreign radicals threaten further delays" but the effect is tantamount to a fund drive for these groups. When Natural Resources Minister and Grumpy Old Man Joe Oliver went out ranting about 'radical environmentalists', donations from Canadians to these targeted groups jumped up as a result.

So with the latest dispatch from the PMO's Office itself, I expect that the 100% increase in donations to the Sierra Club that resulted from Grumpy Joe Oliver's missive shall be surpassed for these groups.

It's a wonder that Albertans feel best represented by the Conservative Party of Canada when they clearly are hellbent on mismanaging its promotion of oil development by polarizing Canadians against it by purposely mislabelling Canadian environmental groups as 'foreign radicals'. This polarization doesn't just include those that voted against the Conservatives but also "the media and environmental and aboriginal groups" which it has listed as "adversaries".

Between environmental groups that study environmental effects, the media that reports those results and aboriginal groups that would prefer not suffering from elevated cancer rates as a result of the tar sands, you have a gathering of forces that wish to promote scientific, factual and safe standards that would benefit all Canadians in regards to energy development and transportation.

But as Kady O'Malley pointed out, if we are to dismiss these groups and their supporters as 'foreign radicals', what to make of the Government of Canada funding the Living Oceans Society?

If the Government of Canada is funding some of these 'foreign radicals' and the result of the Stephen Harper and Joe Oliver speaking out against them is increasing their funding, doesn't it stand to reason that they are secretly trying to advance the agenda of foreign radicals within Canada?

Clearly then, Stephen Harper has been co-opted by foreign radical environmentalists. It's either that or he's an ill-informed, reactionary, paranoid and sanctimonious man.

Maybe there's another possibility: the poor man is just stressed out. You know what would help him? Taking time off and visiting the coast in British Columbia. I hear that area is just breathtaking! He should take advantage of the scenery... while it's still there.

Peter MacKay Doesn't Want the Canadian Military To Have Any Balls

Is Peter MacKay feeling the pressure?

The Minister of National Defence has put the squeeze on the Canadian military's balls.

In this case, they were orange stress balls. The military wanted 20,000 of them but Peter MacKay quickly nixed the purchase when news of this was made public.

He didn't want this to be a source of embarrassment or have the Opposition throw these balls in his face when  government departments are facing 10% budget cuts across the board.

News of the purchased was made early Friday and MacKay went balls to the wall to cancel it within the day. His office released the statement: "As soon as Minister (Peter) MacKay was made aware of this contract, he instructed officials to immediately cancel this unnecessary expense of taxpayer money".

An unnecessary expense, huh? Seems that Peter MacKay is pretty arbitrary when it comes to going balls out with his purchases:

-Adding the word "Royal" to the Air Force and Navy will engender the cost of buying all new uniforms, equipment, letterhead, flags and other items. He said the costs would be minimal. Because refashioning all this is practically free, right?

-The F-35 Jets estimate by the Department of National Defence is at least 2.6 billion off the mark for its 65 plane purchase. Bullocks! Those things aren't even guaranteed to function properly. But those purchases haven't been cancelled despite the inevitably exorbitant cost.

It seems that Peter MacKay's pet projects get the go-ahead no matter how expensive and useless they are. Come to think of it now, they really should have bought those stress balls.

The Tories always had more balls than brains. Why shouldn't the military follow suit?

Justin Trudeau Agrees To Get Beaten Up For A Good Cause

Justin Trudeau's training regimen.

On March 31st, 2012, Justin Trudeau will likely be splayed out on a boxing ring, concussed and bleeding, wondering what happened.

That's because he agreed to fight Patrick Brazeau, 37, in an amateur boxing fight. Brazeau is mostly known for being the youngest senator currently serving in the Canadian senate.

Trudeau will be facing an adversary with both a military and martial arts background. Conversely, Justin has hit heavy bags in the past and spent ample time shadow boxing in front of a mirror.

But if this footage from CTV is any indication, Justin Trudeau will be on queer street come fight night.

With his arm punches, tendency to lean directly backwards when getting hit and not keeping his chin tucked, the odds of him overcoming Brazeau are slim to none. On the other hand, Brazeau's punches are crisper and straighter.

The reason behind the inevitable beat down is the "Fight for the Cure" event in Ottawa whose goal it is to "help raise money to increase survivorship in our region" for those stricken with cancer. Its non-stated goals appears to be reducing the number of Liberals from sitting in the House of Commons and further aiding the demise of the Liberal Party one MP at a time.

The best bet for Justin? Getting on his bike throughout the 3 rounds and using his reach advantage to pepper Brazeau with jabs. If he stands in the centre of the ring with him, it'll be a long night for the Papineau MP.

I take no pleasure in announcing the destruction of a Liberal at the hands of a Conservative but it will simply mirror the fate of their respective parties. Could Justin surprise? Could a Trudeau victory signify a renewal and turn of the tides for the beleaguered Liberals.

I'll take up friendly bets against any Liberal that thinks the fight will go in Trudeau's favour.

Despite my pessimistic prognostication, I do hope that Justin's walkout music is this...

In all seriousness, best of luck to both amateur pugilists.

Conservatives Unveil New Jobs Plan For Quebec

You too could embark on a new lucrative career in the Canadian civil service!

With little fanfare, the Conservatives announced that they are back in the race in Quebec provincial politics yet again! That's right! Despite not having had a MNA sitting in the Quebec National Assembly since 1935, the Conservatives are back in La Belle Province.

Now both major Montreal French language newspapers, La Presse and Le Devoir, aren't carrying the story because it essentially consists of a press release by Luc Harvey saying he plans to build the Conservative Party in Quebec and doesn't have a clue how to do it.

No one even suspects that the party will gain any traction with Quebec voters. But they're missing the Conservative long game...

Patronage!

Remember, in the Conservative Party of Canada, failure is rewarded with a promotion!

Just ask these lucky losers that hit the jackpot with lucrative appointments in government. Sure, the Conservatives pretty much got gutted in Quebec in the last federal election but it appears all the candidates have moved on to bigger and better things within government. Life is better in a Conservative riding: just ask the Service Canada workers. Conservatives will even export death, in the form of asbestos, just to win votes for its local Conservative MP, Christian Paradis.

So to all the Conservative candidates looking forward to finish dead last in the provincial election and move on to prosperous new jobs, I made it easy to check if you're qualified for the job.

Director, Senator or Supervisor
The [to be determined] is responsible for towing the party line. Knowledge of familiar Conservative talking points will ensure a strong, stable Conservative majority and your job.

Department Name: [To Be Determined Later]

Location: Montréal Island or Quebec City

Classification: CPC-01 or CPQ - 07

Salary: $123,800 to $254,700

Closing Date: Prior to the last day to file your candidacy in the next Quebec provincial election.

Reference Number: ETHICAL123-OIL0000584-RULES0057

Selection Process Number: SUN11-NEWS12-IS4985-THE9456-ONLY6845-NEWS2087

Employment Tenure: Lifetime

Vacancies: 125 

Who Can Apply:

Card-carrying members of the Conservative Party of Canada.

Citizenship

Preference will be given to Canadian citizens. No dual citizenship please as those people carry the stench of foreigners. 

Language Proficiency

English. If you can throw in the occasional "bonjour", that's a bonus.

Education

If you just learned to read and write and spent your adult life as a hockey coach, that's good enough for us.

Experience

Preferably the oil and gas industry.

Statement of Merit Criteria

HAHAHAHAHA!

Additional Requirements / Comments

-Must have your own Autopen.

-Must have a strong record regarding financial paper trails. Don't keep any.

-If required, army helicopter transport to press conferences or photo ops can be arranged.

APPLY NOW!

Kathryn Marshall Makes Sexist Comment On Twitter

She is one angry, angry woman.

Kathryn Marshall, the Ethical Oil blog spokeswoman, has been getting negative feedback from her appearance on Power and Politics. If her goal was that of parroting the same talking points over and over again; refusing to answer simple questions; and deliberately interrupting the other guest just to be obnoxious, then mission accomplished.

However, much of the viewing public thought her performance was rather poor... and now, she's taken to twitter to vent out her frustration.

Her comment above, specifically "grow some balls" is pure, unadulterated sexism.

Put forward here is those who might have said she "had a blonde moment" (a gender-neutral comment) don't have testicles. The implication is that they are men, but incomplete men, as the lack of their sexual organs makes them sub-human. The attack on their manhood denotes that they are something else than male: necessarily then, they are female.

So she attacks the perceived sexism of those poking fun at her with a comment that suggests that they are lesser human beings because they are more female than male.

Now, I don't doubt she's received her share of sexist remarks on the internet (I hope she doesn't have a youtube channel). But as a spokeswoman for a... blog, she should be more careful. She claims to represent "honest, hard-working Canadians" and yet adopts the language of disrespect.

Shame on you Kathryn, shame on you.

Heroin, Foreign Groups And Large Pipes: The Kathryn Marshall Story

Pictured: Kathryn Marshall who, upon seeing this photo,
will be embarrassed only by the CBC logo above.

I can't help it. When I think of laying pipe, I think of Kathryn Marshall.

That's in no small part due to the fact that as Ethical Oil's spokeswoman, she's a big proponent of Enbridge's proposed Northern Gateway pipeline. The project that stretches 1,177 km of pipes from Alberta to British Columbia was the topic of choice when Marshall debated John Bennett of Sierra Club Canada on the CBC's "Power and Politics" on the 11th of January, 2012.

As a true Conservative, she was short on arguments and long on talking points. The first of which was the insult she felt at the comparison between Bennett's assertion that the West's dependence on oil is akin to heroin addiction. But she left out the emphasis on addiction... an inadvertent omission I'm sure. The second... and last talking point was that environmental groups are funded by foreign groups with deep pockets that want to hijack the Canadian regulatory process that will... give a non-binding assessment of the project.

But simply reducing Kathryn Marshall's appearance to two talking points would be a disservice to her debating ability. Here are some excerpts of her more remarkable moments:

Marshall: 'Why are you taking foreign money to fight against Canadian interests?'
Bennett: 'We're not fighting against Canadian interests...'
Marshall: 'Yes you are.'
Bennett: '...No, that's your definition...'
Marshall: 'Yes you are.'

It needs to be stated that Marshall is studying to become a lawyer. If the University of Calgary hands her a law degree, then I think it's only fair that they also give one to every 4th grader in Canada.

Her finest display however was her refusal to answer whether or not Enbridge was a donor to Ethical Oil. The question by Evan Solomon was meant simply as a launchpad to the natural follow-up of: "Wouldn't that put you in direct conflict of interest with the environmental interests of Canadians?" Marshall refused to confirm that Ethical Oil - a small front group for oil and gas interests - is a front group for oil and gas interests.

Her constant refusal to answer the question which would allow for greater transparency is the very thing she was railing about when she was claiming that the Sierra Group is not honest about its funding.

She finishes the segment with "I'm a student. I do this because I'm passionate about it."

Yes, she's just a law student plucked out of academia due to her intelligence, debating ability and intellectual rigour. That or she's married to Hamish Marshall, Stephen Harper's former "manager of strategic planning". Either way: qualified!

Enbridge Tells Joe Oliver To Shut Up

Pictured: Joe Oliver consulting the youth.

The oil pipeline corporation Enbridge which has: averaged over 1 oil spill per week between 1999 and 2008; spilled 800,000 gallons of oil into Michigan's Kalamazoo River; the potential of facing criminal charges for failing to properly maintain its Michigan pipeline; been accused by a whistleblower of simply covering up the Michigan spill and not fully cleaning it up; been investigated for coercing pipeline spill victims into signing liability waiver forms, is embarrassed by the statements of Joe Oliver.

The statements in question are those made by the Minister of Natural Resources in which he takes aim at "environmental and other radical groups" as well as "jet-setting celebrities" and accuses them of taking "the American approach:sue everyone and anyone to delay the project even further." This is otherwise known as exercising your right to legal recourse. Finally, he finishes by comparing the regulatory process of  building a 1,177 km pipeline with that of building an outdoor hockey rink.

The anonymous source at Enbridge said "Minister Oliver's statements crossed the line. He probably wanted to create some enemies and divert attention to the financing from abroad."

Yes, the dreaded foreign financing. While many environmentalist groups get funding from all over North America, to disqualify them from participating in the review process because some of its financing is not entirely Canadian would be - as Alison from Creekside points out -  rather disquieting for other groups such as:

• Daewood International America Corp,  Anaheim, California 
• BP Canada, subsidiary of BP (formerly British Petroleum)
• Total E&P, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Total SA, France 
• Exxon Mobil Oil,  Fairfax, Virginia 
• Flint Hills Resources Ltd, a Koch Industries subsidiary   
• SinoCanada Petroleum, Sinopec, China

In Conservative Canada, oil pipeline companies that are dealing with the legal, financial and public relations nightmare of the Kalamazoo River oil spill still issue more balanced statements than a Harper Government's cabinet minister.

h/t Alison of Creekside and MyHairCares